A Tinder Date in South Korea
So, I'm on Tinder. Swipe right. Swipe left. I match with this guy. He speaks English. He's American. It's kind of something you don't see a lot in the smaller cities in Korea so bet.
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We're texting. Got a little jokey joke. Whatever. Then, he's like, "Let's meet." So, we link at the mall. Red flag numero uno. Why do you have on a Durag? I let that go though. Maybe that's your thing. We're just walking around the mall so I asked him if he wanted to get something to eat or to buy something because this is a shopping center... What are we doing? He was like, "No, I thought they had an arcade and I needed to beat you at something." Red flag number two. Why are you so competitive? Why are you so aggressive right now?
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Then he's like, "Oh, there's nothing to do here. Let's go get a drink." I'm thinking we're going to go sit down and get a beer or something because it's like one in the afternoon. No. I was wrong.
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We walk up to a GS25 which is basically like a corner store. A 7/11. This man proceeds to buy Malibu, hard liquor, Bombay, hard liquor, and then hands it to me talking about, "Have some." SIR. I just finished breakfast. It's one in the afternoon. You don't have a car. We're not in a vehicle. Where are we going? Are we supposed to just walk and drink like some winos? I don't understand. This is red flag number seventeen at this point.
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So, we're just walking towards downtown. Next thing I know he's not there. I turn around and he's sitting on a park bench. Just sitting and drinking. I go back and ask, "What's up?" He was like, "Oh, I had got tired." SIRRR. You weren't going to say that??? You weren't going to let me know you need a break??? I'm just walking and talking and you're not there. There's no one to respond.
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We make it downtown. I ask him again if he wants to get something to eat since there's plenty of places around. He says, "No, we're not really supposed to be eating out like that." He was in the military so they had different restrictions, but I'm just trying to figure out what the plan is... What are we going to do???
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After we walked a good twenty minutes from the mall to downtown he says, "Let's go to this other spot I know to eat."
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I said, "Sure." Because I make wonderful life decisions.
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We catch a cab to another part of town and go to this little Spanish restaurant. Fast forward, we order our food and eat. He ordered like a dozen different things on the menu. Then had the audacity to ask me if I wanted to split the bill. No, I do not. Absolutely not. I'm going to pay for my little bowl of pasta and you can pay for everything else. Why did you order all of that if you ain't have no money?
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He pays for his food. I don't know what his bank account was looking like after that... Not my problem. Then, we leave and we're at the water. We're walking and he turns to me to say, "Hold my hand!"
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First of all. I'm not a touchy feely type of person. I don't like none of that. So, regardless of who it was I was going to say no. This man was not giving up. He was like, "Stop playing! Hold my hand!" Fastest way to make me uncomfortable.
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So, he decided to grab my hand. My hand was limp. Dead. No life. We're just walking and I'm just waiting for the perfect moment to snatch my hand the fuck back. Then, he's like, "Let's go back downtown."
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I said, "Aight."
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So, we get in a cab and go back downtown to this bar. Then he says, "Let's take some shots." SIRRRRR. You've been trying to drink all day. Give it a rest.
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We took the shots.
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He then shows me some girls across the bar and says, "I think they're Russian. I'm going to go check." He gets up, walks across the bar and starts talking to them. I'm just sitting there looking awkward as fuck like is this a joke?
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He comes back and tells me about how he met a Russian girl the previous week and they had sex. I didn't really know how to respond to that... Like okay? But it gets worse.
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He proceed to pull out his phone, pull up his videos and show me the sex. My virgin eyes don't need to see that. I don't know if that was supposed to be a turn on or if it was supposed to show me what he was working it, but no. I'm throwing up.
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Once my eyes stopped BURNING from the video, he asks me to go to yet another bar.
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I said, "Okay." And I go.
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At this bar they had games. We're playing foosball and remember from the beginning of the story that he really had to beat me at something. That was very important to him. While we're playing he starts dropping hints about doing the McNasty and I'm like, "No. That's not going to happen." HARD PASS.
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Once he figures that's not in the cards he's ready to go. We leave and then he says, "I'm gunna go home." He gets in a cab and leaves. Never to be seen again. I was at the curb like, "K, byeeeee." Hella awkward once again.
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I'm still trying to figure out how in one day I went all around the city, ate, took shots, was forced to watch a sex tape, and experienced unwanted physical touch.
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THEN. A week later he wants to write me saying, "Hey, Big Head."
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NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. You got one day out of me. I got a story from it, but I don't need another one because I have no idea what you're going to come with this time. If you, in your brain, thought the first date went well and you could hit me with a 'hey, big head'... something is not right up there.
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I really just can't make this shit up.
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